THE PRAYER OF AN ASSIMILATED JEW

Presented for Chai Elul, birthday of the Baal Shem Tov

PART I

It was the end of Elul.

The distinct scents of the Yomim Nora’im already wafted in the air. Preparations for Yom Tov were at their height. The markets were full of merchandise. On the stands were huge piles of vegetables and fruits that are eaten on Rosh HaShana: pomegranates, dates, etc.

Great anticipation could be felt in the Jewish streets. Everyone was busy cleaning houses and buying new clothes for Yom Tov. And yet, people’s expressions reflected the seriousness of these days, the eve of the New Year. People were more particular about t’filla b’tzibbur and shiurim, more careful about not speaking lashon ha’ra and rechilus. A different spirit hovered in the air of the small town.

In the Baal Shem Tov’s beis midrash too, the final preparations were being made for the Yomim Nora’im. People davened at length and with great concentration, each person making his spiritual accounting and doing t’shuva for that which was not seemly during the previous year.

PART II

The students of the Baal Shem Tov were getting ready for a weekday Maariv. They all stood and waited in the beis midrash for the Rebbe to enter and the davening to commence.

The Baal Shem walked in at the usual time. Unlike the norm when his face radiated joy, this time he looked very serious. He went to his place, leaned on the table, but did not open his siddur. He remained standing, deep in thought.

None of his students dared to disturb the tzaddik or to hint to him that it was time to daven. The minutes ticked on and the tzaddik was still lost in thought. One could see that he wasn’t in this world. Those who were sharp-eyed discerned how emotional he was. The students were already used to sights such as these.

A long time passed, and then, as though waking up, the Baal Shem Tov opened his siddur as his face radiated joy once again. This davening was different than other evenings. The Baal Shem Tov davened at length and with a particular d’veikus. It was obvious that something momentous had occurred.

The davening ended and the students of the Baal Shem Tov anticipated hearing an explanation. They crowded around him and the Baal Shem Tov did not wait to be asked; he just began.

PART III

In a village not far from here lives a Jew who grew up in a warm Jewish home. However, when he matured, he left the path of Judaism and began befriending gentile youth. He slowly became one of them and was completely estranged from his Jewish roots.

Many years passed and the man left the area he was born in and moved to live among gentiles, where he lived as a gentile in every way. He eventually completely forgot the Jewish way of life, the prayers and customs. Thirty years went by.

One day, the man had occasion to be in a Jewish town on business where he suddenly sensed a unique feeling of preparation in the streets of the town. The busy preparations aroused his curiosity and he approached one of the Jews and asked him what was going on.

“We are getting ready for a holiday we call Rosh HaShana. According to Jewish tradition, this is the day that Adam was created and the day that the world is judged.”

These words of the simple man struck the assimilated man forcefully. Maybe it was the word “we” that underscored the chasm that existed between him and his roots; perhaps it was the mention of the upcoming day of judgment that aroused his soul. Whatever it was, the assimilated Jew began to walk around the marketplace as childhood memories began to surface.

A powerful nostalgia for his childhood seared his heart and soul. He remembered Shabbasos and holidays, the blowing of the shofar in shul, and the aura of holiness that enveloped all of the worshipers. A strong feeling came over him and he choked up. He could almost touch the atmosphere of holiness and purity that pervaded the place.

He was emotionally overcome and suddenly felt the sharp disparity between the two worlds; how he had exchanged a world rich in content and meaning for a life of frivolity and emptiness. A strong yearning for his childhood filled his heart.

As he strolled about like this, he found himself opposite the town shul. Day had already begun to give way to night, and dusk had fallen. Sounds of prayer could be heard; the voices sounded so close, so tangible. With a stormy heart he stood outside and peered at the Jews gathered in the shul for Maariv.

He had a strong desire to enter and join the davening. However, he was ashamed at his appearance and clothing since he looked like a gentile. But the inner turmoil was powerful enough that he could not stop himself.

He headed for the women’s section and hid behind a curtain as he watched what was going on in the main shul. When the chazan proclaimed, “V’Hu Rachum Yechaper Avon” (and He, the Merciful One, will atone for sin) a tremor passed through his body. It was all so familiar to him and he wanted to join the davening, but suddenly his memory betrayed him. He had entirely forgotten the words. A great pain rent his heart and he sobbed.

When the last of the worshipers left the shul, he got up his courage. He took a siddur and began praying with tremendous concentration. He combined the words of the t’filla with words that came straight from his heart:

“I know, Master of the universe, that there is no greater sinner in the world than me,” and he began to enumerate his sins. “But,” he concluded, “I know that You are merciful and compassionate and great in kindness. Please forgive me for my sins and willful deeds. From now on, I will not continue to sin. I want to return and be a Jew. Please accept me!”

His prayer and regret made a great commotion in Heaven. The prayer of the assimilated Jew, who seemed to be lost to the Jewish people, went up to the Heavenly throne. It also brought up with it prayers that had waited hundreds of years to be rectified.

“I saw what was going on in this man’s heart,” said the Baal Shem Tov, “and waited for his prayer. I wanted to daven with him. This is why I delayed davening today, but we merited praying along with a penitent. Our prayers went straight up with his prayers to Hashem.”