HOW TO ENSURE YOUR APPLE DOESN’T FALL FAR FROM ITS TREE

Dear Reader sh’yichyeh,

This Shabbos is Parshas Toldos. The word “Toldos” means children. There is nothing more important to parents than the health, growth and success of their children. Having Yiddishe and Chassidishe nachas is the biggest bracha a parent wishes for. Chazal tell us, “A person is envious of everyone with the exception of his child or student (a spiritual child).” Why we are we not jealous of our children and students even though they might be cleverer or more talented than we are?

Jealousy can be felt only towards a stranger whom we view as competition. The stronger someone on the opposite team becomes, the more threatened we feel. But children and students are on our own team because we have invested in them, cared for them, and monitored and nurtured their development. They matter to us and are an integral part of our lives; they are not our competition. Their success is important to us, and their achievements bring us pleasure and happiness.

Raising Chassidishe children is not easy and nothing is guaranteed. This is especially true in today’s borderless, technology-focused society where the winds of secular culture are blowing so strongly in our faces and those of our children. Combined with the temporary concealment of Moshiach, it is a very daunting task.

I once heard the following story: There was a very Chassidishe father whose son had temporarily gone off the derech. The father went into Yechidus with the Rebbe. He wept bitterly about this very painful personal situation. While he was crying, he said the following, “In America there is an expression that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If this is the case,” cried the father, “then if my son is lax in his Torah and Mitzvos, there must be a deep issue in me as well!”

The Rebbe listened to him with compassion and answered very strongly: “While it is true that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, that is true only when there are no winds blowing at the time. When there are very strong winds blowing, it is possible that the apple can stray very far from the original tree.”

The Rebbe writes in HaYom Yom, 22 Teves: “My father proclaimed at a farbrengen: Just as wearing t’fillin every day is a mitzva commanded by the Torah to every individual regardless of his standing in Torah, whether deeply learned or simple, so too is it an absolute duty for every person to spend a half hour every day thinking about the Torah education of children, and to do everything in his power – and beyond his power – to inspire children to follow the path along which they are being guided.”

HaYom Yom, the very first Seifer of our Rebbe, not only admonishes us regarding the importance of focusing on the education of our children, but also provides words of guidance. We will quote three different selections from the HaYom Yom, and then we will discuss them.

1) “Torah study every day is crucial to life itself. This applies not only to the soul of the one studying but also to the souls of his family. For then (through Torah study), the atmosphere of the home becomes an atmosphere of Torah and piety.” (4 Cheshvan)

2) “Studying a parsha of Chumash with Rashi every day (Sunday until Sheini, Monday until Shlishi, etc.), saying T’hillim every day and the entire T’hillim on Shabbos Mevarchim – be scrupulous about all of these. It is crucial for you, for your children and your children’s children.” (25 Shvat)

3) “The greatest guaranteed assurance (of Divine assistance) for all Jewish parents in need of special help and deliverance for their children is through their support of those who study Torah.” (9 Tammuz)

When we read the above-mentioned selections from the HaYom Yom, it becomes very clear. There is no magic pill that can bring success. Raising our children to Yiras Shamayim and Chassidishkait will demand much Siyata D’Shmaya and much avoda on the part of the parents. Chazal tell us (Pirkei Avos 1:2): “Shimon the Righteous was among the last surviving members of the Great Assembly. He would say: The world stands on three things: Torah, the service of G‑d, and deeds of kindness.”

The Rebbe is teaching us that for our avoda with our Toldos, our children, we need to be active in all of the above-mentioned three things, Torah (learning Torah every day), avoda (following the directives of the Rebbeim and saying the T’hillim) and Gemilus Chassadim (supporting Torah institutions). To be successful, we need to work on all three columns so that our children have a strong and sturdy foundation on which to grow. If one of the columns is missing, it is like a three-legged table that is missing a leg. In such a situation, the entire table becomes wobbly and shaky and does not lend any support.

As we get closer to Geula, the Rebbe has opened for us a new channel through which to keep our children focused and undistracted by the temptations that are so openly available around them. This special channel is focusing our children on learning about the Beis HaMikdash and on the imminent Geula. When any person, including any child, understands that the Geula is imminent and it is in our hands to bring the Geula, he begins to see the world through the lenses of the Geula.

There is a well-known lesson that Chassidim learn from the koshering process. We are not allowed to eat blood, so we salt all chicken and meat. The question is asked: If the salt opens the meat and brings out the blood, what is stopping the blood from withdrawing back inside? The halachic answer is that while one is giving out, he does not absorb. The same is true in our case: While a person, including a child, is focused on bringing out G-dliness from within the world, for he realizes that the true dwelling place for Hashem is in this physical world, then he will be not be distracted by and absorb the physical temptations of the world.

The Rebbe expressed and explained this clearly is the Sicha of VaEschanan 5751. It was at a farbrengen in the summer, when Pirkei Avos is learned, and it was right after the Rebbe revealed to us (Tazria-M’tzora 5751) that the direct path to bringing the Geula is by learning about Moshiach and Geula. The Rebbe learned a tremendous lesson from the first Mishna of the Pirkei Avos (Chapter 3) of that week:

“An additional lesson and directive concerning Redemption can be derived also from the beginning of the third chapter of Pirkei Avos: ‘Look at three things.’

“The term ‘three things,’ standing alone, can be a suggestion of the third Redemption and the third Holy Temple, a threefold Redemption and a threefold Holy Temple, because they comprise the virtues of both the first Redemption and the second, the first Temple and the second. Furthermore, the twosome features will be combined as one.

“The imperative, ‘look,’ implies gazing intently, by deeply reflecting and contemplating matters concerning the third Redemption and the third Beis HaMikdash (‘three things’), imbued with feelings of anticipation and exceptional yearning, ‘I anticipate his coming every day,’ implying that he will come every day, this day, literally. How much more so, now that we stand on the threshold of Redemption, that the gazing at these three matters is increased and done with more vigor.

“The suggestion can be made that one’s reflection on matters of the third Redemption and third Holy Temple (‘three matters’) has the capacity to effect completeness to all of our efforts within the ‘three pillars’ – the three modes of expression, Torah, service (prayer) and loving-kindness – whose fulfillment is through the three garments of the soul, thought, speech and action. When one’s thoughts are directed towards the three redemptions, one’s Divine service is unbounded and therefore beyond division. Without the limits and boundaries which delineate and divide, one attains perfection in all of the three modes.”

In footnote 18, the Rebbe adds how this approach will keep people from straying from the path of Hashem. “In a similar vein, with regard to ‘keeping from evil,’ one is precluded from evil as a matter of course, without a need to actively engage in negating evil, as the Mishneh continues: ‘And you will not come to the hands of sin.’ The expression ‘and you will not come’ implies that it will not take effort. The usage of the term ‘hands of sin,’ implies further that even matters that are not inherently sinful but could lead to sin (such as satisfying permissible desires) are automatically dismissed because of one’s reflection on matters of Redemption. This is analogous to the way things will be in the Messianic Era. It is as the Rambam rules (in the end and seal of his work Mishneh Torah) that ‘in that time … all delights will be as abundant as the dust of the earth.’ His choice of the word ‘dust’ implies that it will have no significance to us, inasmuch as ‘all of the preoccupation of the world will be exclusively to know G-d.’”

Rabbi Avtzon is the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Lubavitch Cincinnati and a well sought after speaker and lecturer. Recordings of his in-depth shiurim on Inyanei Geula u’Moshiach can be accessed at http://www.ylcrecording.com.