CHINUCH WITH LOVE

For thirty-five years, R ’ Chaim Dayan has been working as a madrich in Yeshivas HaBucharim in Kfar Chabad. * He shares methods how to properly handle children and students, how to reach them when they are glued to their phones, and the right way to instill a yearning for the Geula. * He also relates instructions that he personally received from the Rebbe’s secretary, R’ Chadakov a”h, who was an outstanding pedagogue.

A boy who has a special talent should use it and be allowed to develop it for good and positive things. A girl who can draw for example, why shouldn’t she develop her talent in a proper manner? Why not direct her to sit outdoors and observe the wonders of the Creator, how numerous are Your works Hashem, how great are Your works Hashem, and draw them on canvas?

Likewise, a student who is not learning or concentrating much on his studies needs to find ways to use his talents for other things that he is good at.

(R’ Chadakov – HaChinuch V’HaMechanech p. 159)

It is hard to get R’ Chaim Dayan for a quiet conversation. He is a madrich at Yeshivas HaBucharim in Kfar Chabad and a madrich, so he says, is a 24 hour job.

“A moreh and a mechanech have set hours in which they are with their students. They teach them the material and then they go about their own business. Being a madrich, however, is a job which demands total involvement with the students and one’s charges.”

When I met R’ Dayan one morning in his office at the yeshiva, he was constantly between one thing and the next. “Did you daven yet?” he asked two students who were late to class.

“Of course, madrich,” they replied.

He gave another student a bottle of olive oil at a low price which the student would use to light the Chanuka menorah.

For thirty-five years, R’ Chaim Dayan has worked in chinuch and hadracha. It started when he went to Kfar Chabad for an interview at the vocational school.

“I wanted to be a teacher in the auto electronics program,” he remembers nostalgically. “I have a mid-level certification as an electrician. It was the summer vacation and school was not in session. Someone advised me that before school started again, I should be a madrich for boys in the camp under the auspices of the yeshiva. I was willing. I’ve remained in that position and in this place ever since,” he says chuckling.

The truth is, he gained the professional know-how for chinuch and hadracha before that, when he took a course for squad commanders in the IDF’s Gadna youth program where he mentored youth. “I came with a background in hadracha and from that point I began to develop knowledge and the right approach in communicating with children and youth.”

Despite the fact that R’ Dayan has the background and knowledge to be a teacher or educator, he preferred to remain in the position of madrich.

THE ADVANTAGE
OF A MADRICH

Essentially, what is the difference between a teacher or educator and a madrich?

There is an enormous difference. A teacher’s job is to teach the curriculum and he has a set time to transmit the information. His authority also has certain limitations. A madrich, on the other hand, as the title indicates, guides the student on the right path. I would say that a teacher is like the body and a madrich is like the neshama of the one being taught, since the madrich brings out the good middos in a talmid and if necessary, he also helps uncover them.

A madrich needs to use the time, the tools, and the abilities that he has to increase the talmid’s yiras Shamayim. He also has the ability to pave the way for him for hiskashrus to the Rebbe. I can tell you, with great satisfaction, that boruch Hashem, every single year since the founding of Yeshivas HaBucharim, talmidim made a trip to the Rebbe, whether for the month of Tishrei and sometimes for K’vutza.

The job of a madrich is to bring out the fine middos and attributes of a talmid and to lead him toward a more Chassidishe life and to hiskashrus to the Rebbe.

Another advantage that a madrich has over a regular teacher is that a madrich doesn’t have set hours as a teacher, and even a mechanech, does. A madrich is like a father. If one of our students doesn’t feel well, or he has some need, he comes to me, because he knows that the madrich is a father figure who can help him. The bond between madrich and talmid is very deep. It’s a 24 hour responsibility. There are no times when he can’t call, because the responsibility toward the talmid is never-ending, around the clock. If a talmid loves you and he accepts things from you and listens to you, he will feel comfortable calling you even at two in the morning to say he is hungry. And you’ll get up and arrange food for him. Things like this happen all the time. If a talmid calls at that hour, I don’t regard it as chutzpa but as an achievement; the talmid feels he has whom to turn to. I consider that success.

PERSONAL ATTENTION

When you talk about proper hadracha, it sounds like it is personalized for every student. When a new group of students comes in, how do you know how to treat each one?

That’s a good question. When I meet with a new group of students at the beginning of the year, they are all equal in my eyes. Like a class picture, where all appear equal, that’s how they are to me. The difference between them is in the abilities and talents each of them has. It is only as time goes by that you discover that one is musical, another one can sing, another one can write, etc. And you start to develop your personal connection according to their abilities.

In conversations that I had with R’ Chadakov, the Rebbe’s secretary and an outstanding educator, he encouraged me to develop the students’ talents as well as their middos and traits. He spoke a lot about this point.

When an educator stands before a student, he needs to look at the student’s abilities as though they are under a magnifying glass and emphasize to him his good traits. When you develop a student’s good traits, even those middos that he himself doesn’t know about, and you speak to him sincerely, he reciprocates with great love. You can really feel it.

I remember that when I was first starting out in Yeshivas HaBucharim, the staff would meet once a week to discuss the students and their progress. This was before there was a yeshiva k’tana and yeshiva g’dola there, and these were mainly younger students. R’ Simcha Gorodetzky was the dominant person on the staff; he was one of the founders of the yeshiva. At these meetings, each person would say his opinion about how to work with the kids and get them to progress, as well as how to improve their feeling of belonging to the yeshiva.

R’ Simcha would speak last and that is how the meetings would end. He would always say one thing – give them warmth. And it’s true. When you are warm to a student, it opens him up and makes him into a “vessel” so he can receive from you. Youth today are busy with many “extremely important” things and despite it all, if there is a real bond, a good bond, the talmid is yours to shape.

LIKE CLAY IN THE HANDS OF THE SCULPTOR

I’m glad you’re bringing up this point because I wanted to ask you how to reach a boy when he is busy with his Smartphone, and through that whatever is going on around the world. The days are long past when you could win him over with a candy or token gift.

You’re right. Today’s youth are living with internal battles, between different parts of themselves, between themselves and their possessions, and between that which they are expected to be in their demanding learning environment in the areas of yiras Shamayim, proper davening, learning with understanding, proper attire, coming on time, and all the other forms of behavior. These are daily demands while the world, which is not far from them, actually right in their hand, entices them.

It’s not a simple situation and there are no kids who do not experience mini or major crises; most of them make it through. But we, as authority figures who take responsibility for their education, need to help them achieve true inner calm and tranquility to navigate the storm.

In one of my conversations with R’ Chadakov, he said to me that sometimes you need to quote sayings or appropriate stories and when they absorb it and it speaks to their heart, that itself will have the right influence on them. For example, a bachur who is in the middle of davening, wearing his t’fillin and is playing with his phone. You can yell at him but that will only help momentarily. Instead, tell him that it is not worth being involved with temporal things that are here today and gone tomorrow, during the time that you are involved with matters of everlasting life that He implanted within us. When he hears to what extent everlasting life is implanted in us and it is so close, he will leave his gadget alone and accept what you say. He gets a sense of proportion, between momentary things and something that can provide true content and meaning to his life.

The talmidim are receptive, like clay in the hands of a sculptor, and they definitely want to listen and accept. As much as it depends on them, it depends on the madrich and mechanech and his approach to the talmid, one of respect for the talmid and for his talents and good traits. When you can access his positive points, you can sense his willing receptiveness, which heightens the long-term impact of the lessons you are conveying.

I am originally a Natanyaite. Five years ago, I went with a classmate to visit someone in Laniado Hospital in Netanya. When we walked into the building, we met our sixth grade teacher. We were so happy to see him. “Hello, how are you?” I exclaimed and hugged him. I remembered him well. I told him in the presence of his wife that he gave me so much and the friend with me added, “He taught us and gave us ‘soul tools’ and good middos for life.” The teacher was moved to tears.

As I stood there facing my teacher, I felt like a student who had received so much from his teacher. It was a feeling of a sapling that had blossomed and born fruit.

THE REBBE KEPT
ME IN CHINUCH

“Lately, the Rebbe speaks at length about … the work with others. But at the same time, he also demands work with oneself, ‘and do not ignore your own flesh’ (Yeshaya 58:7). As the Rebbe says, the head has place for two things. There must be ‘yachof’ by every person … to push away a negative thought that comes, and in general, ‘l’chazek bidko’ – strengthening everything having to do with Torah and fear of heaven within oneself … This is how we bring about the revelation of the general Moshiach.”

(R’ Chadakov, ibid, p. 113)

R’ Chaim Dayan published HaChinuch V’haMechanech, a compilation of instructions about chinuch from R’ Chaim Mordechai Isaac Chadakov. R’ Dayan recalls with nostalgia, “He was an outstanding mechanech. As a multi-talented pedagogue, chinuch was the central topic of his life and work, and he was involved in it with the full passion of his neshama all his life.”

R’ Dayan remembers fondly his meetings with R’ Chadakov. “The first time I went to him was in 5747. There were other people who wanted to speak to him and I prepared a list of chinuch topics that I wanted to consult with him about. These were not simple education questions and the answers were not something any ordinary person could readily answer.

“I remember that when I went in to see him, he asked me, ‘As you waited, what did you do in the meantime?’ I did not know what to say and kept quiet. He realized I was confused and he answered for me, ‘Surely you used the time to say T’hillim.’ Just by saying this he emphasized and instilled in me the concept of using time well.

“I sat with him and raised my tough questions that I encountered daily with students. He responded patiently and then advised me to also speak with the mechanech, R’ Tuvia Blau.

“That wasn’t the only time I went to see him. There were a few other times. Each time, for half an hour or more. Each time I was amazed by the good and sound advice that he had in his repertoire at all levels of chinuch.

“Before I left, he asked me, ‘to publicize what we spoke about.’ I saw that it was important to him that other people in chinuch benefit from what was said. So some years later, I had the idea of publishing a book with the advice he gave. His son approved it and I advertised a request for all those who consulted with him and received guidance in chinuch to send it so we could publish it. It was published under the title, HaChinuch V’HaMechanech and was edited by R’ Alter Eliyahu Friedman. (It was translated into English as The Educator’s Handbook – Principles, Reflections,

Directives, of a Master Pedagogue, Kehot publication.)

Isn’t chinuch and hadracha an exhausting profession?

One time, after many years of hadracha, I wrote to the Rebbe and asked permission to change professions since hadracha was wearing me out. I wanted to do something else in life. My father a”h was a shochet and mohel and I thought of studying these professions. I also had talent in writing stam. I wrote all this to the Rebbe and asked the Rebbe to choose one of these professions for me. I figured at least I would leave one holy profession for another.

Within two weeks I received a letter in response and the Rebbe wrote, “Your work is heavenly work, being involved in communal needs with fear of heaven in general and specifically.” I did not need more than that and understood that this is my role and here is where I remain. I dropped thoughts of anything else.

How do you get students to love learning Torah and doing mitzvos? How do you instill Chassidishe sentiments and hiskashrus to the Rebbe?

The truth is that true love is not made within the framework of school which is tough and demanding, with tests and all. True love for all these things comes through farbrengens. That’s the time to have a positive and effective influence on talmidim. I see this repeatedly, that after a successful farbrengen, the guys make good hachlatos in Torah, avoda, and chesed. It is moving every time to see what they come up with. When I catch them after a farbrengen in which they sat with brotherly love and each of them spoke and told about himself and shared of himself with others – that’s the time and place to get them to love Torah and connect them to the Rebbe.

I say this to fathers too in dealing with their children: If you want to instill in them love for Torah, t’filla, and Chassidishkait, be a role model, whether in going to the mikva, learning before davening, davening word by word properly. For the child, the father is the closest and truest model of behavior. To a child, the most real and beloved person is his father and he wants to be like him for that is human nature, to imitate the person closest to you.

Furthermore, a father doesn’t need to talk a lot to his child or practice chinuch techniques on the child; his conduct says a lot to a child.

Of course, you can catch the child when he’s in a good mood and strengthen him in those areas that he is weak, whether with a Chassidic story about the importance of being on time or with a nice aphorism about love for friends, and so on.

CHINUCH FOR GEULA

“The Rebbe has recently urged, ‘We Want Moshiach Now.’ If there truly is a desire for Moshiach, the desire needs to be expressed in actions … The Rambam says (Hilchos Melachim chapter 12, Halacha 4) that the purpose of Moshiach’s coming is so that we can learn Torah without interference. So the question arises, today, when a person has free time without interference, does he use the time to learn Torah?”

(R’ Chadakov, HaChinuch V’HaMechanech)

How do you train children to anticipate Moshiach?

Action is better than a thousand words. First and foremost, to bring Moshiach related things into the house, things with sayings about Moshiach, so that whoever sees it will get the message and internalize it. They have to see that the parents live with Moshiach and look forward to the hisgalus of Moshiach and feel the experience in a real way. This is what will be transmitted to them straight into the heart and neshama.

R’ Chadakov spoke about the necessity of learning the Haftora on a regular basis, urging that this be learned with talmidim every week so they know what it means. He said, “This applies to adults too. People come to 770 and push and try to hear the Rebbe read the Haftora. When the Rebbe reads it, it is the words of the navi from the mouth of the navi now, for the Sh’china speaks from his throat in the mode of this recorded prophecy, and what flavor does it have when you don’t understand what it means?”

I think that speaks for itself.