A FAIR HEARING

The younger children had finished their dinner, and Esty, the eldest of the Fried children was getting them ready for bed. Mrs. Fried appreciated her daughter’s help, and planned to sit down for a few quiet minutes before the boys would come home from Maariv with Mr. Fried, and demand their dinner. How different Yossi and Heshy were from their older sister. Esty was good-natured, responsible, and mature, while the two big boys were, well, difficult.

Mrs. Fried’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door slamming and two voices raised in argument.

 “You did!”

“I did not!”

 “Oh yes you did!”

Mrs. Fried frowned. The boys were home, and arguing as usual. She was sure that whatever it was that they were fighting about was unimportant. They were constantly trying to knock each other.

Yossi came storming into the kitchen first. “Mommy, Heshy took my new pen and dropped it down the sewer!”

Heshy was right behind him, waving his arms in anger. “That’s not true! I just wanted to look at it, and Yossi tried to grab it back, and I let go. If he wouldn’t have been so mean, it wouldn’t have fallen out of my hand.”

“No, you purposely dropped it in the sewer! You were just jealous because you didn’t win one.”

“Why should I care if you won a silly pen? And besides, it serves you right, because you got my homework full of jam when you made your lunch this morning.”

“Mommy, tell Heshy to pay for the pen!”

“Mommy, tell Yossi to rewrite my homework!”

Mrs. Fried had heard enough. “Stop it, NOW, both of you! I don’t want to hear another word. You are just fighting for the sake of fighting. Even if we bring in the beis din to resolve your complaints, it wouldn’t help. You don’t really want a verdict, you just want to fight!”

Mr. Fried walked into the room just in time to hear his wife’s words. “Boys, I will discuss your complaints in a few minutes, and I’ll give you each a chance to speak, as long as you both calm down and talk nicely. First, however, I need to speak to Mommy privately. Are you able to wait a few minutes in peace?”

The boys grudgingly agreed, and Mr. and Mrs. Fried went into the study.

“You and I have always been careful not to contradict each other in front of the children,” began Mr. Fried. “I took you aside now to tell you that I learned something new today about dealing with this type of situation. I want to discuss it with you, so that we are both on the same page.”

“Until now our policy has been not to get involved in the details of their fights. Do you want to try a different strategy?”

Mrs. Fried looked confused.

“According to a sicha that I learned today, there is a better approach. It says that when two people seem to be fighting for the sake of fighting, it may be true that each side is more interested in being proven right than in discerning the truth. Nevertheless, the court should take their case seriously, look beyond the animosity and work out the true verdict. Maybe one of the sides really is right.”

“So are you saying that we should listen carefully to each of our boys as they present their side of the story, and determine who is right?” asked Mrs. Fried. “Shouldn’t we just get them to stop fighting? Aren’t they just looking for excuses to be nasty to each other?”

“Maybe, but what if it started with a valid complaint? Maybe one really has been wronged. Doesn’t he deserve a fair hearing? If we can get the two to come to an agreement, that is even better, but at least if we hear them out to get to the truth and try to be fair, they won’t think that we don’t care, or that the truth doesn’t matter!”

Mr. and Mrs. Fried walked out of the room together, ready to try the new strategy.

They convened a mini-court after dinner, giving each side a chance to present their case without speaking negatively. They considered each side and presented their decision which was both firm yet fair. The boys accepted the verdict and spent the rest of the evening playing a game together.

Later, Mrs. Fried came to their bedroom to remind them that it was time to shut the light. “Goodnight, Yossi. Goodnight, Heshy.”

“Goodnight, Mommy. You know Mommy, thank you for listening to us.”

“Yeah, thank you Mommy. And you know what? Yossi and I decided to be friends…….. at least until tomorrow morning….”

The above story is fictional. The lesson is based on Likkutei Sichos vol. 24 pg. 152-156. The application of the sicha to chinuch is the writer’s own extrapolation.