Milestones in the turbulent life of Rebbetzin Rivka, wife of the Rebbe Maharash, who administered the court of Lubavitch and was a model of a Chassida-mekusheres. She looked out for everyone in need, and her expertise in the stories of the history of Chabad and the chain of the Rebbeim became the basis of the Memoirs written by her grandson, the Rebbe Rayatz. The Rebbetzin was the first mother of the T’mimim and many Lubavitch girls are educated in schools named for her. * Presented for Yud Shvat, the day of her passing.
By Ayelet Leibman
What the Lubavitch court looked like. Photo by Victor Sachter10 Marcheshvan 5595/1834 in the town of Lubavitch. The winter was just beginning but the weather was already stormy and cold. Good news! A daughter was born. The parents were Rebbetzin Chaya Sarah, the youngest child of the Mitteler Rebbe and her husband, Rabbi Aharon Alexander of Shklov. She was given the name Rivka.
The baby grew up in a home where Torah and affluence were both in abundance. Aside from the prestigious ancestry on her mother’s side, on her father’s side she was the granddaughter of Rabbi Moshe and Mrs. Leah Golda of Shklov. Her grandfather was an outstanding Torah scholar and was extremely prosperous and he showered love and wealth on his son, daughter-in-law and their children.
Life was joyous and good, and the little girl grew to be both charming and highly educated. She enjoyed listening to her father learning, and to observe him when he would engage in engraving and wood carving. His optimistic spirit had a profound impact on her. Her father was a naturally happy person, and he would go out of his way to encourage anyone who appeared sad.
The wedding of her parents took place in Shklov with much pomp and grandeur, and thousands of Chassidim participated in the wedding of the youngest daughter of the Mitteler Rebbe. The atmosphere was exceptionally joyous, and even the wedding discourse delivered by the father of the bride begins with the words, “Samach Tesamach.”
Following their wedding, R’ Aharon and Rebbetzin Chaya Sarah lived in Lubavitch, and were supported by the Rebbe. Additionally, his father would regularly send generous sums, as well as material for clothing to be made for the family. As a result, their family lived more expansively than the other sons-in-law of the Mitteler Rebbe and conducted themselves affluently. For example, as a toddler of one-and-a-half, young Rivka had a dress made for her of silk, which in those days was only found in the homes of the wealthy.
Life went along peacefully, and the couple had three daughters and one son: the oldest Tzivia Gittel, followed by Rebbetzin Rivka, the third Sterna, and the fourth child was named Shneur Zalman.
Tragically, her father passed away as a very young man at the age of 28, and only a few years later, her mother took ill and passed away. Her formative years were after the passing of her grandfather, the Mitteler Rebbe, and his son-in-law, the Rebbe the Tzemach Tzedek, was the Nasi in Lubavitch. He had nine children, seven sons and two daughters, with the youngest son being the Rebbe Maharash.
In the Rebbe’s court there were many families, each with many children. Every Shabbos, the daughters of the Mitteler Rebbe would gather with their families in the house of their mother, Rebbetzin Shayna. The adults would converse among themselves, and the children would entertain themselves and play. On one occasion, as the children were playing together, the Rebbe Maharash, who was then three or four, said that he would marry Rivka the daughter of Chaya Sarah, who was also about that age, and everyone laughed at the impetuousness of the boy.
UPHEAVALS
As a result of the father’s passing, the entire family fell into mourning. Their mother took the young children to Shklov, to visit their paternal grandparents, but this did not do much to fill the void of their deceased father.
A story is told that when their mother traveled to a distant locale and wanted to take her children with her, the Rebbe Maharash, then a young boy, said that he would not allow Rivka to travel.
The mother remarried to R’ Aharon Zaslavsky, but two years later she contracted an illness that dragged on for a year, until she too passed away. Their mother’s illness and the responsibility to care for her had a profound effect on the children. Rivka was crushed by her great pain and concern and would not speak. She would cry endlessly and say T’hillim day and night, and would always ask, “Is mother well yet?”
Rebbetzin Chaya Sarah passed away on 10 Adar 5606/1846, and the young children were transported from happy childhood to terrible orphan status, within a few short years. For four months they lived with their paternal grandparents in Shklov, and afterward they were raised by their maternal grandmother, Rebbetzin Shayna. Life in their grandmother’s home was one of total simplicity and material straits, and the children had a difficult time adjusting to their new life, after having become accustomed to a more affluent lifestyle.
Rivka, who turned twelve a few months after they returned to Lubavitch, decided to accept things as they were, and she and her oldest sister became very involved in helping run the household. Rivka would assist her grandmother and serve her needs as requested, and Tzivia Gittel would help in the kitchen. In addition, as the eldest, Tzivia Gittel watched over the younger children and guided them in acquiring good character traits, fear of heaven, being careful about davening, and learning all of the prayers for weekdays, Shabbos and Yom Tov. She also trained them in proper manners, as far as eating, drinking, and comportment.
ORIGINS OF THE REBBE’S MEMOIRS
At night, Rivka would recall her father and mother, and whenever she heard stories about them and about the illustrious lineage of the family, she would be filled with joy and feel revived. Over time, Rivka collected many stories that she heard from her grandmother, aunts and relatives, and succeeded with her amazing memory to file away every detail.
When she heard that the Tzemach Tzedek thought highly of her paternal grandfather, as a Torah scholar, an intelligent and deep thinker who was also knowledgeable in worldly wisdom, and said about him that he had lofty talents, she felt happy to be a part of that family.
They also told her about the father of her paternal grandfather, R’ Sender. He was an early adherent of Chassidus, despite the terrible opposition that was prevalent in his time. At times, he would debate the great leaders of the opposition, and nobody could stand up to him in a debate, as he was a brilliant man with a talent for clear and orderly communication, and he was careful to keep his speech clean of any coarse expressions, even when things got heated. This was in contrast to his opponents, who would often use crude terms, and at each debate he would win over a few more adherents to the approach of Chassidus.
She heard about R’ Sender’s father as well, R’ Hersh, her great-great-grandfather, how he was drawn to the Alter Rebbe, and how he donated tremendous amounts of his wealth for the Alter Rebbe’s work and the spreading of Chassidus.
In addition to being a source of consolation, the stories also served as a means to educate herself in the ways of her forbears.
Similarly, she learned about her maternal grandmother, Leah Golda, who was possessed of keen insight and extraordinary character, and she was especially careful regarding the trait of anger. Once, her granddaughters tried to test if they could make her angry, and since she was an exceptionally G-d fearing woman, they decided to tell her about some kashrus issue that took place in her kitchen. When her grandmother heard what they had to say, she approached the cook calmly and asked her about it. From her response, she understood that nothing had happened, and that was how the matter was resolved quietly and respectfully.
As she heard and absorbed the stories, Rivka herself grew spiritually from them, and she would impart the messages contained in them to herself and those around her.
When the Rebbe Rayatz was a young child, the Rebbe Rashab took him to his grandmother, Rebbetzin Rivka, and asked her to tell him stories. He urged the young Yosef Yitzchok to listen carefully to everything that she recounted and engrave them in his memory.
The Rebbe Rayatz was very beloved to her, and she drew him close and told him about everything that she heard and saw of generations of the Rebbeim and their Rebbetzins, as well as many stories of Chassidim and the history of the early years of the development of Chassidus, all the way back to the various baalei shem. These stories served to a large extent as the basis for the well-known Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Memoirs.
She played an important role in the education of the Rebbe Rayatz. Over a period of twenty-five years, he would visit her regularly and heard from her many stories. As he describes it, every story was alive for her, and she remembered every detail as if she had heard it that very day.
DOUBLE WEDDING
When the Rebbe Maharash turned 14, they began to discuss shidduch possibilities for him. Many suggestions were brought to his father, the Tzemach Tzedek, and in the end he married his niece, the daughter of his oldest brother. A large wedding was celebrated, but tragically the kalla fell ill during the sheva brachos, and she passed away within three months.
After a year had passed, Rebbetzin Shayna approached the Tzemach Tzedek and suggested that the Maharash be matched with one of the orphaned granddaughters she was raising in her home, Tzivia Gittel or Rivka. The intended groom recalled what had happened when they were children, when he had said that his cousin Rivka would become his kalla, and the family would jokingly refer to them as “chassan and kalla.”
In order that her older sister not feel slighted, Rivka asked her to forgive her the right to marry first, and after Tzivia Gittel answered that she forgave absolutely, the shidduch was finalized. The happy grandmother of both sides, Rebbetzin Shayna, blessed the bride and groom with the blessing of the wife of a tzaddik.
The entire town rejoiced over the fact that there would be a double wedding in the home of the Rebbe. The bride and groom were both grandchildren of the Mitteler Rebbe, and after the pain and suffering that Rivka had endured in her life, she merited to become the daughter-in-law of the Rebbe, and marry his youngest son who was known to be an extraordinary young man.
On 11 Nissan 5610/1850, the wedding took place in a good and auspicious time, when the chassan was twenty days shy of his 16th birthday, and the kalla was 15 years, five months, and one day old.
THE ROSE IN BLOOM
The tribulations that Rebbetzin Rivka endured in her childhood had left their mark on her face, and it seemed as if it were covered with a dark cloud of pain. Now however, after Hashem helped and she began to lead a life of peace and tranquility, the Rebbetzin left her hardships behind. The fact that she had the good fortune to marry a great tzaddik and brilliant scholar, caused the terrors of the past to recede, and her face became luminous again, and all could see her beauty and refinement.
The rose began to bloom. The Rebbe Rayatz testified that even in her elder years, she stood out in terms of the radiance of her face, and she was possessed of great dignity.
Her relationship with her husband, the tzaddik, and his parents, was outstanding. There was nothing, big or small, that she did not do in order to please them, and she showed them great honor, even in the smallest details of anything that might pertain to their honor.
For example, she would be seated at the table to the right of her mother-in-law, and being that she was left-handed, she felt that it would not be respectful to use the hand closer to her mother-in-law, for fear of disturbing her, so she trained herself to eat with her right hand. She strengthened her right hand to the point that even after she no longer had a need to use it, she continued to eat and do other activities with her right hand.
In turn, her husband’s parents showed her great closeness. Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka drew her close, and taught her all of the customs of the home and how to provide for all its needs.
She was completely dedicated to fulfilling the will of her husband. She was so devoted to him, to the point that when he entered a room where she was present, she would stand upright until he was seated, and only then would she sit down. Once, her foot was hurting and nevertheless, she stood every time he entered, and although he told her off it did not help.
All of her life, Rebbetzin Rivka avoided saying the name of her husband, the Rebbe Maharash, in deference to his honor, and would only say “him,” and in later years, “the zeide.”
HOME OF CHESED
The Rebbe Maharash and Rebbetzin Rivka had six children, four sons (one of whom passed away as a young child) and two daughters. Their home was quite exquisite. The floors were painted red, as was the custom then, beautiful tapestries covered the walls, fine furniture filled the home, and it was built with large windows to allow in the maximum light. Everything about it conveyed magnificence and splendor.
Not only the external appearance of the home bespoke splendor, but even more so, the inner atmosphere. Honor, dignity, and refinement, governed the place; no outburst and no scream, no imprecation and no curse, only calm and tranquility, blessing and success (from a description of the Rebbe Rayatz).
In addition to providing generous financial means, the Rebbe Maharash would also provide the Rebbetzin with spiritual nourishment, which her pure soul sought out, and would include her in the behind the scenes matters, both public and private.
Additionally, he would give her large sums to use as she saw fit, and she would use the money to dispense generous amounts of tz’daka. The more that he gave her, the less she had, because she would give it all away to the needy. When she lacked the courage to ask her husband for more money, she would pawn her jewelry and give the money that she received to tz’daka. Her husband was aware of this practice, and he would then go to the jeweler and redeem her jewelry.
On 29 Elul, two weeks before his passing on 13 Tishrei, the Rebbe Maharash said to her, “I will go up 32 steps, up above, and you will go up 32 steps, down below.” In fact, the Rebbetzin lived another 32 years, until Yud Shvat 5674/1914, when she passed away.
After the passing of her husband, her son, the Rebbe Rashab, took over the nesius. He later founded Tomchei T’mimim, and his mother concerned herself with feeding the students like a doting mother, and she would even refer to them as di kinder (the children).
TO EAT TO DAVEN
When she was 19 years old, Rebbetzin Rivka became very ill, and everyone was worried about her wellbeing. When the danger passed, her father-in-law, the Rebbe, instructed her to eat “morning bread” the first thing in the morning, and this would help her heal fully. She felt that since it was not proper to eat before davening, she would get up extra early in order to still be able to daven before eating at her normal waking time.
When the Tzemach Tzedek found out about it, he rebuked her and said, “Your prayer is precious to me. It is better to eat in order to daven, than to daven in order to eat.” She, of course, followed his instructions, and only returned to her original practice of davening first, after her health had returned fully.
HER PASSING
Before she passed away, the Rebbetzin took ill and was confined to bed. The Rebbe Rashab was not in Lubavitch at the time, and the Rebbe Rayatz would come see her regularly to see how she was faring.
On one of those occasions, she spoke to him about his father, the Rebbe Rashab, “He is a very great man. Hashem should lengthen his days until the coming of Moshiach, together with the yeshiva (Tomchei T’mimim). What a chiddush! This is the greatest thing! It did not come easy. Everything comes from his emes (trait of absolute truth), and that is how he is since birth. Hashem should lengthen his days until the coming of Moshiach.”
She also recounted a story about the Rebbe Rashab, who as a child wanted to go into his grandfather, the Tzemach Tzedek, but that time was a time for yechidus. However, he cried and cried until they let him in. His grandfather gave him a kiss and a bundle of coins. The young boy exited happily, and announced, “The zeide gave me a kiss and money.” His older brother grabbed away the money from him, to which he responded, “But the kiss remains with me!”
On the day of her passing, she spoke a lot about her father-in-law, the Tzemach Tzedek, and her husband, the Rebbe Maharash. During the early morning hours, on Friday 10 Shvat, after she said the Shema and the Shmoneh Esrei, Rebbetzin Rivka ascended from this world.
(Based on the notes of the Rebbe Rayatz, as published in various sources)