An interview with Rabbi Menachem Mendel Friedman who is behind the project to publish the book “Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha” with explanations in contemporary language.
By Zalman Tzorfati
A new edition of Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha was just published in time for the new school year. The one behind the project is R’ Menachem Mendel Friedman, shliach in Ohr Yehuda.
This is not the first time that R’ Friedman is publishing the Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha. But this time the work was done professionally with the express purpose of making the content accessible to people of all backgrounds.
We spoke with him to hear what is special about this kuntres and how it provides answers to today’s chinuch challenges.
Please give us some background to the booklet; who wrote it and how did we get it?
The Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha were given over orally to the Rebbe Rayatz when he was 17, by his father, the Rebbe Rashab. The Rebbe Rayatz was the dean of Yeshivas Tomchei T’mimim at the time. The yeshiva was the first formal Chabad educational initiative, and the Rebbe Rashab gave his son principles of chinuch to help him in his educational work and to serve the mashpiim and roshei yeshiva. In practical terms, it set the educational policy of Tomchei T’mimim.
The Rebbe Rayatz recorded in writing what he heard from his father, and this was passed around as booklets among the mashpiim of Tomchei T’mimim in Lubavitch and afterward among the maggidei shiur and madrichim in various branches of the yeshiva.
The kuntres was printed as part of a book for the first time by the Rebbe and was included in the Seifer HaSichos 5703. It remained the province of the few, primarily people in chinuch, who learned it in depth in the Seifer HaSichos. Over the years, it was published in a number of editions as a separate pamphlet and even as a book by Rabbi Yekusiel Green, who published it with vowels and with a compilation of ideas from the Rebbe on the subject.
So what’s new about the new edition?
In the new edition, we worked with professionals who did a thorough and in-depth job. We made summaries and added detailed explanations in clear, contemporary language. We made the kuntres accessible to a reader of our generation, enabling anyone to understand it and take practical tools from it for the educational challenges that we face today.
The teachings of Chassidus are full of educational instructions. What is special about this book?
We could say that the Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha is the Tanya of the teachings on chinuch. Just like in Chassidus there are many maamarim in which deep topics are explained, some discuss matters of avoda and some matters of haskala, some discuss the s’firos and the seder ha’hishtalshelus and others explain other topics in Chassidus, but Tanya is the book that was presented as a complete Torah, in structured and orderly fashion. The base of understanding of the G-dly soul and the animal soul, then the structure of the nefesh, then the connection between the G-dly soul and the Creator, and then, based on the structural principles laid out we start to get to solutions, the path to avodas Hashem, to Ahavas Yisroel, to dealing with hardships, bad middos, etc.
The same is true for chinuch. The teachings of Chassidus are full of ideas on chinuch. You can find things connected to chinuch in Tanya and in countless maamarim and sichos of all the Rebbeim. But Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha does not just address additional topics in chinuch. It’s a complete Torah, organized and well-constructed from the ground up. The chapters are organized by topic, taking you progressively from stage to stage in the world of chinuch. The role of the educator, the relationship between educator and pupil, and more. It is all very organized and is constructed as an educational manual that is all-encompassing.
You are not an educator. What led you to work on and publish this book?
First, what do you mean when you say I am not an educator? I am a father, so I am a mechanech. All of us need to constantly be involved and give guidance and be an example to our children. It says in Pirkei Avos, “Who is wise? One who learns from everyone.” Should we really learn from everyone? Rather, there are people from whom we learn what to do, and others from whom we learn what not to do.
A mechanech is not only someone who gets a salary from the Education Ministry. A mechanech is not only someone who has a classroom. Every father is a full-time mechanech! And every day, he needs to spend half an hour thinking about the chinuch of his children. As he thinks, he needs to know what to think about. In order to know what to think about, he needs to study the subject.
A prevalent phenomenon that doctors report about these days is about informed patients. With the development of technology and the information accessible to everyone, everyone becomes pseudo-doctors. A person feels pain in his knees or swelling in his hands and he looks it up. When he gets to the doctor, he is a bit of an “expert” on the matter and knows what to ask and what to expect.
The same is true in chinuch. Someone said to the Rebbe “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” regarding kids who are off the derech and the Rebbe responded that that is true only in normal weather; when an unusual wind blows, anything can happen.
When a child and consequently the home are affected by an unusual wind, wise action must be taken and for this, Chassidic, professional tools are needed.
When thinking for half an hour about chinuch, it includes what to say to a child and what not to say; what to strengthen, when to be firmer and when to give him breathing room. Every parent is a mechanech, period.
As a mechanech, he needs to understand his own child. He needs to know what he’s dealing with to be able to direct the child, to help him decide, and to see that the child chooses the right thing (there is no lack of different and even bizarre options to choose from today).
When did you realize this is your shlichus?
I got involved right after I got married. I looked for material on chinuch and went around B’nei Brak and saw a lot of s’farim on the subject. The range was large and confusing, and I looked for something in the teachings of Chassidus which provides answers to all the problems and challenging situations. I found Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha and it organized things for me, for two reasons.
First, I discovered an entire well-constructed “Torah” that includes all the details of chinuch as I mentioned before. Second, because I found a work that is absolutely authoritative.
There are many books on chinuch and pedagogy and you first look to see who the author is and what his evidence is. Each author has different experiences and examples and you look upon what he presents as food for thought. You can agree with him or not.
But I was looking for something in Chassidus that I could rely on 100% and I found that in Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha, because something that the Rebbe wrote or says is “Torah from heaven.” Yes, we need to study the Igeres Ha’Chinuch and other fundamental letters from the Rebbe on chinuch. This is very important, but Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha provides the whole picture.
Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha is, on the one hand, an organized and professional educational work; on the other hand, it’s not from someone or another who did research on education and psychology. It’s the Rebbe who is telling you how the mechanech needs to diagnose himself, how he needs to diagnose the child, and how he should make decisions and create proper and healthy communications with the child.
I learned it and saw that there is something here to rely on and build on. At the same time, it is always good to consult with other people who know about chinuch. There are more complicated matters that need to be discussed with melamdim and educational advisers. Even when consulting with professionals, when a person knows what the issues are he can get a lot more from the adviser.
It’s like going to a lawyer for some work you want him to do for you and you know a little about the matter. The lawyer is likely to do much better work for such a person and not just do enough to make it look good.
The same is true when we know about chinuch and go and ask the melamed; he needs to give an accounting to the parents of the child. When he sees there’s a parent who takes an interest and understands more, he will feel even more responsible; and the parent can be a partner of the melamed, because they need one another’s help.
Sometimes, the melamed speaks with a parent and he feels that the parent has no understanding and background when it comes to chinuch, because he never studied it. It’s like talking to the wall. He can only tell him, do such and such. There are employees who need to be given detailed instructions about everything, and there are employees that need general direction and they can take it from there. Of course, the latter can get help and support, but it’s completely different when there is some background and knowledge.
Sometimes, there are people who are put off by studying chinuch and psychology because they are afraid to get involved with matters that are not al taharas ha’kodesh and might even be nourished by klipa. Here they have an amazing psychological resource that is Chassidus. It can be learned as preparation for davening; it’s definitely the most necessary and positive thing there is.
Who do you recommend learn Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha?
Sometimes, we see parents who run to study chinuch when they have a problem with a child. Then they say, if only they had the information with their earlier children, the situation would be far better.
A few years ago, there was an educational conference and they spoke about handling the chinuch challenges of our generation. Rabbi Eliezer Glatt, a”h, was a superlative educational adviser. He said, generally, when someone in the family does not feel well, the entire family starts studying and becoming experts in medicine. So too, parents don’t usually study chinuch until they have children and even then, most of them wait until there are problems before running to look for advice.
He said that if in beis midrash, in shiur beis and gimmel, they learned and knew all the Rebbe’s letters on chinuch, Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha – that’s Chassidus, not psychology – that would help them understand their own inner workings and their own challenges. And when they would have children of their own, they would have a major base of educational knowledge that they already learned and experienced many years before.
It’s like a boy who starts learning Gemara in fourth-fifth grade. He actually starts understanding the flow of the Gemara only in yeshiva g’dola/beis midrash, but that’s because years before, he started learning the concepts. So too, for parents to be able to really understand the subject of educating their own children, it’s worthwhile starting to study the Rebbe’s letters in yeshiva g’dola.
It is possible, and I think necessary, to start teaching the kuntres in yeshiva g’dola and K’vutza, so the bachurim become knowledgeable in it and can start life differently. They can learn at least the Rebbe’s letters on the subject. There are countless letters on chinuch; and then, of course, Klalei ha’Chinuch v’ha’Hadracha. It’s good for us and for sure, for our children, and it’s good to do it before having children, especially nowadays, when things are so complex.
What message would you like to convey to parents?
Most parents are not professionally in chinuch and they often think that this subject is not for them. They figure they will leave the work of chinuch to mechanchim and the yeshiva staff.
To these parents I want to say that even though you don’t have a class and you don’t prepare lessons and give tests, many things in chinuch pertain to every parent. Additionally, if a parent would have a bit of understanding in teaching and didactic methodology, if a parent would know how to give a lesson and to structure a class, he would come to the Shabbos meal preparing very differently. When you have eight or twelve children around the table, that’s oftentimes no less challenging than a small class in school.