The Chassid R’ Yaakov Friedman was one of the outstanding gabboei tz’daka in New York. He would go from place to place, setting aside his dignity, raising money to support those who learn Torah and the needy. * To mark his passing on the first of Adar, a time when according to the Mishna “announcements are made about the sh’kalim” – we compiled stories about his tz’daka work.
Prepared for publication by Avrohom Rainitz
R’ Yaakov Friedman giving the Rebbe a pidyon nefesh Erev Rosh HaShana
R’ Yaakov Friedman was known to many residents in Crown Heights as well as visitors. Many in neighboring Jewish communities also knew this thin stooped man with the piercing eyes, who walked quickly from place to place collecting money for the needy and for Torah scholars. R’ Yaakov, with his modest simple ways, hid his outstanding righteousness as well as his unique character that included service of G-d like one of the early Chassidim, and a tremendous breadth of knowledge in Nigleh and Chassidus.
Hardly anyone knew that he was a war survivor. Although he lost his entire family in the Holocaust, including his wife and children, may Hashem avenge their blood – he managed to establish a new family and to found dozens of Chadrei Torah Ohr in Eretz Yisroel which saved thousands of Jewish children from a spiritual Holocaust.
His main occupation was tz’daka which he worked on raising day and night, thus saving many people from starvation. He helped build Jewish homes and brought joy to orphans and widows.
His son-in-law, R’ Sholom Horowitz, had a book published about him called Tiferes Yaakov which tells a little bit of R’ Friedman’s extraordinary work. The book tells the story of R’ Friedman’s life and how he supported the three pillars on which the world stands by founding Torah schools, distributing tz’daka to thousands of poor people, and his wondrous avodas ha’t’filla. The book documents his correspondence with the Rebbe Rayatz while he was still in the DP camps after the war, and about his hiskashrus to the Rebbe throughout the years.
What follows are gems from the book that have to do with R’ Friedman’s chesed.
“AND YAAKOV VOWED”
On a rare occasion, R’ Yaakov told his son-in-law, the author of the book, about the reason for his energetic involvement in tz’daka. When he was in the concentration camps, the Nazis once had inmates all lined up near the river. The Nazis proceeded to shoot at them, one by one, and they fell into the river. R’ Yaakov was standing in this line and he made a commitment at that moment: If G-d protects me, then I will be involved in tz’daka and chesed and helping others all my life.
The miracle occurred and he remained alive. He then proceeded to carry out his resolution. His life was dedicated to tz’daka. He never passed judgment on other people, nor looked to see what group they belonged to. Whether Chassidic or Litvish, Ashkenazim or Sephardim, simple people or respected individuals, he provided graciously to them all.
How important and dear to him raising money for tz’daka was can be learned from the following fact. There was a bris for his grandson, the shliach, R’ Menachem Mendel Horowitz. Everyone was ready, but he, the grandfather, had not yet arrived. The people waited a long time until one of them said, “It looks like R’ Yaakov is raising money as usual in the shuls.”
The Bostoner Rebbe, R’ Moshe Horowitz of Boro Park, was the sandak and he waited along with everyone else. The mohel, R’ Eliyahu Shain, tried to move things along, saying he had another bris to do. Many other people left before the bris took place, but the Bostoner Rebbe said they should keep waiting. “The bris cannot be done without the grandfather, especially a grandfather like this who is raising money for the poor of Eretz Yisroel.” His son-in-law R’ Yudel decided to go and look for him. He got into his car and went from shul to shul until he found him. He brought him to the simcha and the bris took place.
The pain of every Jew touched him deeply and he devoted himself to others with money, body and soul. When he heard of someone’s sorrow he took it to heart.
The Chassid and philanthropist R’ Mordechai Rivkin, who ran Beis Rivka for many years, said that he once took the New York subway and R’ Yaakov Friedman sat next to him. He suddenly noticed R’ Yaakov reading a letter he received from Eretz Yisroel while crying. He worriedly asked R’ Yaakov whether everything was all right. “R’ Yaakov, what happened? Do you not feel well?”
R’ Yaakov replied, “I received a letter from someone in Eretz Yisroel who has no source of livelihood and has nothing to eat.”
“Do you know him?” asked R’ Mordechai.
“No, I don’t,” said R’ Yaakov. “But it hurts me to hear about a Jew who has nothing to eat!”
“Where do you find Jews like this [like R’ Yaakov]?” concluded R’ Mordechai.
***
That is what R’ Friedman was like. He felt the plight of another as though it was his own plight, even if he did not know the person.
He did not wait until people came to him; he always sought out ways of helping others. One time, when he was in shul, he overheard two men talking. One said to the other, “So-and-so [stating his name] is abjectly poor.” R’ Yaakov heard this short sentence and that was enough for him. He did not know the person and being discreet he did not ask the men who they were talking about. He left the shul and went home. When he got home he opened the phone book and began looking for the name he had just heard until he found it. He then called the number and said, “If it is not difficult for you, go to 1020 56th Street.” The man, who did not understand what this was about, went to the address and R’ Yaakov gave him a sealed envelope. How shocked the man was when he opened it and found a check for $500!
LISTENING AND HELPING
“The Alter Rebbe received from R’ Mordechai HaTzaddik, who heard from the Baal Shem Tov: A neshama of a Jew descends to this world in order to live seventy, eighty years in order to do a favor for another Jew, materially and especially spiritually.”
This statement appears in the HaYom Yom (by divine providence, for his birthday on 5 Iyar) and certainly applies to R’ Yaakov. His deeds of tz’daka and chesed were not something done only occasionally.
His tz’daka and chesed work began in one of the first years following his arrival to the United States after the war. Early every morning, before the vasikin davening, he would get up, in cold and heat, rain and snow, summer and winter, and go from shul to shul to raise money. Along with his partner, R’ Yerachmiel Kampinsky, they would go to a different neighborhood each day of the week. They were familiar faces to all the worshipers who saw them on a set day of the week.
Part of the money he collected would be sent to Eretz Yisroel. Twice a year, before Pesach and before Tishrei, he sent a large sum of money that was divided among hundreds of needy families in Eretz Yisroel, especially in Yerushalayim. This money was distributed by trusted gabboei tz’daka. He never told people about his activities and what he did, for he viewed it as completely natural. All those who gave him tz’daka and relied on him implicitly, felt that R’ Yaakov could be trusted unquestioningly. The little that did become public knowledge seemed to be in the realm of “the birds of the heaven pass along the word,” but even in those instances, the birds of heaven cooperated with him and did not publicize too much.
Helping others was engraved in his heart and mind. Whenever he was able to help someone his face shone as though a chesed had been done for him. His son-in-law, R’ Yehuda Wolf, related:
“At my sheva brachos, someone knocked on the door for tz’daka. Due to the commotion nobody noticed him. When R’ Yaakov realized that this was for tz’daka he urged the crowd to give generously. It was amazing to see how his face shone when each person gave some money as though it was his personal matter.”
His home was open to all who asked him for help and he always did what he could for them, whether it entailed obtaining medication for a sick person or helping marry someone off or giving a loan of $25,000 to save someone from his creditors. Sometimes, when he did not have enough money to help, he took loans and personally guaranteed to repay them on time.
He never took a penny from tz’daka funds. His modest income came from his wife Yehudis, a dressmaker, who devoted herself to supporting the household so he could do his holy work. It happened more than once that even this money that she earned was given away to tz’daka when he did not have enough to help others.
A person who rented an apartment from him was unable to pay the rent. R’ Yaakov was willing to forgo the payments until the person got himself on his feet, started earning and was able to pay, but his wife maintained that they had to cover their expenses and he had to pay. R’ Yaakov, seeing the sensitivity of the matter, privately told the renter, “You pay and I’ll give the money back to you.” This way everyone was happy.
His son-in-law, R’ Sholom Horowitz, related:
“Once, while giving out money to the needy, many people came and I helped him give out the checks. Since I did not have time to listen to each one, I decided to divide the money quickly without listening too much to each one. Afterward, my father-in-law said: With tz’daka there are two aspects, as it says, ‘heed the cry of the pauper and save him’ – first you need to listen to what is on his mind. Give him some attention as it says, “a worry in a man’s heart he should relate to others.” When the man speaks and says what bothers him it helps him and it is also an aspect of tz’daka. Only then do you help by giving him what he needs.”
“WHOEVER STRETCHES OUT HIS HAND, YOU GIVE HIM”
The rule of “whoever stretches our his hand, you give to him” was an ironclad rule for him. People knocked on his door who appeared needy and who asked for help and he always gave. If someone tried to alert him that so-and-so was not needy, he did not want to listen. He always responded forcefully, “We are not allowed to speak [about a Jew].”
There were also unscrupulous characters who went to his home and asked for help. They employed various tricks, like a seemingly innocent request to cash a check which had no balance to cover it. One time, someone brought him a $5000 check to cash with the excuse that he needed cash immediately. R’ Yaakov rushed to help him and gave him $5000 in cash! The person happily went on his way, leaving a check that he knew would bounce.
One of his acquaintances once told him that due to his difficult financial situation he was unable to buy t’fillin that were mehudarim. R’ Yaakov realized that if he immediately gave him money, the person would feel uncomfortable every time he saw R’ Yaakov. So he told the man that he knew someone by the name of Sholom Horowitz who could help him. He did not tell the man that this was his son-in-law, nor did he tell him that he had given him a checkbook for his account for just such instances. He just gave him a note which said, “Bs”d, To my friend, R’ Sholom Horowitz, R’ Menachem … came here regarding t’fillin. Please help him as much as possible. Yaakov Friedman.”
When his son-in-law received the note, he immediately understood from the wording that his father-in-law did not want the recipient to know that he was related to R’ Yaakov. The man received the large sum he needed without knowing that the money came from R’ Yaakov’s account.
FORCED CHARITY
Giving to others is only one side of the coin; the main chiddush in R’ Yaakov’s conduct was expressed in the other side of the coin – the forcing of tz’daka, as Chazal put it. Everyone understands that the main difficulty is in collecting the money. Not everyone appreciates how hard it is to go around, day and night, collecting money.
Some tried to prevent R’ Yaakov from making the effort. Some tried to explain to him that they did not want money collected in that place. But he held his own and explained to one and all that he was there not just to collect money, but also to provide merit to as many as possible with the mitzva of tz’daka.
“I once asked my father-in-law,” said R’ Yehuda Wolf, ‘Why do you go to all the little shuls where there is barely a minyan; you’re better off going to a big shul and collecting more money in the same amount of time?’ He said to me, ‘What about giving merit to those Jews with the mitzva of tz’daka?’”
Another son-in-law, R’ Yeshaya Hertzl, rav of Natzrat Ilit, tells of another incident:
“He once went to a wedding and wanted to collect money there. The owner of the hall went over to him and said, ‘How much will you make already at this wedding? I am willing to give you $300 (a large sum at that time) but do me a favor and don’t collect here.’ R’ Yaakov, to whom enabling others to do a mitzva was so important, could not restrain himself and asked, ‘How can you take such a big responsibility upon yourself of denying Jews an opportunity to fulfill this mitzva?’”
To whoever gave tz’daka he said, “yashar ko’ach,” and of course this was a heartfelt thanks and not just words. He was once asked why “yashar ko’ach?” He said, “Because he gave us the merit of a mitzva.” That was his feeling.
When he was sick and no longer had the strength to go around to shuls, his family suggested that instead of going himself that he send out envelopes with return envelopes in which people could put their donation. He said, “People send envelopes only if they can put in a dollar or more. I cannot take away the mitzva from those who can only give a smaller denomination, like a quarter or dime.”
R’ Zalman Gelernter, who would go to shuls to collect money in Crown Heights together with R’ Yaakov, relates that he once went with R’ Yaakov and someone gave a small donation. R’ Zalman spoke up, “A distinguished Jew and you give him such a small sum?” R’ Yaakov said to him, “Sha, sha, it is forbidden to speak. You cannot say anything to him. The main thing is to enable Jews to have the merit of giving tz’daka.”
R’ Bluming, a melamed of young children, related the following moving story. “One of my students told me that R’ Yaakov once walked into a shul and someone laughed at him and publicly shamed him. Afterward, one of the people there went over to R’ Yaakov and offered him a deal – he would buy the embarrassment R’ Yaakov endured for $10,000. R’ Yaakov was not at all interested in the deal. He expressed surprise as to why the person was even approaching him and continued his rounds as though nothing had happened.
“A few hours later, a bride about to be married pleaded with R’ Yaakov that he help her because she had nothing. Hearing this, he went right back to the shul and began asking who was the person who wanted to make that deal with him and he did not rest until he found him. They drew up a comprehensive contract and the person gave him the money he promised. R’ Yaakov took the money and gave it directly to the needy bride.”