Chagai and Mili Vertman and their children are shluchim in Sri Lanka, an island in the Far East. The name of the country is comprised of two words in Sanskrit: “Sri” means holy and “Lanka” means an island. Indeed, the shluchim are doing all they can to sanctify the island by continuing the programs started by Rabbi Mendy and Talia Crombie. * Mili tells us about miracles, where they go on Chol HaMoed outings with their children, tragic stories and insights in this fascinating interview.
SUBSTITUTE SHLUCHIM
“Mendi and Talia Crombie started the Chabad house in Sri Lanka. Due to various reasons, they are in Eretz Yisroel temporarily and we are filling in for them. The general administration and finances are their responsibility. We are here two and a half years already.”
SHLICHUS AS A WAY OF LIFE
“Even before we went to Sri Lanka I saw myself as a shlucha. It was thanks to the existence of Chabad houses in the world that I got to know Hashem, the Rebbe, and the path of Torah and mitzvos.”
SRI LANKA
“Sri Lanka is an island in the Indian Ocean and has a population of eighteen million people. It is a relatively large island, the twenty-fifth biggest island in the world and it has everything that appeals to tourists: beaches studded with palm trees, tropical forests, aquatic sports such as boating, surfing, swimming, kite-surfing and scuba diving on the coast, rice paddies and small pastoral towns built on the banks of lakes. There are nature preserves with rare flowers and animals and of course, their famous tea plantations.
“The capital is Colombo which is the largest and most colorful city in the country. It is full of shops and stalls and has a major harbor. The country is much like India and other third world countries in the east, but it is very clean and does not have beggars in the streets. The locals are pleasant and full of smiles.
“Sri Lanka is a surfer’s paradise with surfing opportunities not available elsewhere. Many of the tourists are surfers who come just for that purpose. Sri Lanka is also known as a popular honeymoon spot for newlyweds. Aside from the fun activities, the country is a center of idol worship and this is something which, sad to say, attracts tourists as well. 70% of the population is Buddhist.”
OUR VISITORS
“We get all kinds of people at the Chabad house, of all demographics: families with children big and small; Israelis after the army or after finishing their degree; surfers; honeymooning couples, retirees in their 50’s, 60’s, and even 70’s and 80’s.”
24/7
“Our house is open 24 hours a day. We have people who have just landed in Sri Lanka. They come to recover from the flight and get information and guidance. Or people who have come to prepare for their trip home (a flight that generally departs to Eretz Yisroel in the middle of the night). We also serve as the place of choice of those who eat kosher and are shomer Shabbos because we have a restaurant with a varied Israeli menu. It may sound a bit strange, but in Sri Lanka there is no Israeli embassy, so aside from passports, we are literally the place to go for all material and spiritual needs.”
MY DREAM
“We are raising six children. The two oldest ones are in first and second grade. They are followed by two girls of preschool age, and a one and a half year old and a three and a half month old baby. There is no local community, which means we do not have a permanent social circle.
“We need to provide them with a learning framework that includes a schedule, rules, discipline, learning, everything you would get in a school. This is my job. This is a most challenging job for any mother (I think any mother who sits with her children doing homework can understand what it’s like for me, it’s just that my job doesn’t end with reviewing what was learned in class, but I’m the one who teaches the material to them: reading, writing, math, etc.) and I am not trained to teach elementary school.
“If Moshiach continues to tarry, G-d forbid, my dream is to bring two Chassidishe girls here who are mature and have good middos, to teach my children, one as a teacher and one as a preschool mora.
“The girls need to be special with unusual qualities: they should love children, have teaching know-how, be able to live far from their families and friends in a hot climate (without air conditioning), girls who can live with limited privacy in an open house, with tourists around at all hours of the day (who will not always be their speed …). Of course, they need to be Chassidish, tznuos, and on the same page as us, the parents.”
LONELINESS
“The loneliness is definitely a factor. We are far from our parents, the grandparents of our children who are not able to be part of their growing up. We barely manage to update them via pictures, which makes them ‘virtual grandchildren.’
“Another result of the vast distance is that when my husband lost his father a year ago, he was not able to part from him the way he would have liked (a ticket is very expensive).
“My friends in Eretz Yisroel are, boruch Hashem, Chassidish and do not have Internet in their homes. Due to the cost I can only call someone who has a land-line and hope that the time difference is not too bothersome.”
BLACK MEDICINE
“Even when it comes to health, I feel the alienation. Consulting with a doctor here is something that doesn’t guarantee peace of mind. I had a situation in which I relied on a local doctor and took iron supplements made locally and my teeth blackened. I had to go around like that for a few months, and it was only with the help of a dental hygienist that I managed to have the color removed. Since then, I prefer that an Israeli doctor give his opinion or a prescription.”
SPIRITUAL DEFICIENCIES
“Another thing about our isolation is that my husband does not have a minyan on weekdays and even on Shabbos it is always a big question. I also lack shiurim and farbrengens, gatherings and workshops.
“And yet, my husband and I can’t go anywhere together alone because who will watch the children – the tourists?! So we are with them. We surrender our own needs. We devote ourselves to being always available for their every need, and especially try to instill in them the Besuras Ha’Geula.”
FOREIGN MENTALITY
“Another challenge is dealing with the locals who live in a completely different culture; we have communication problems with them. We have people working for us and once in a while objects and food disappear from the house. My husband tries to calm me down by saying, ‘Why get so excited? They are like monkeys who see bananas on the tree and grab them … they also see something interesting and …’
“The same is true for service providers. For example, fixing a computer, an air conditioner, or if we need to exchange something. There is a 50-50 chance that either they will work on it and fool us this way, or work on it and fool us another way. There is no peace of mind that enables us to rely on the service we get.”
CHINUCH UNDER GLASS
“The Chabad house operates as an open house. Guests show up in the middle of the night too. The restaurant operates the same way with the cook here until four and then my husband and I have to serve the customers.
“A big part of our hafatza has to do with being a model of how a Chassidishe family runs its life, how we speak and treat the children. When the tourists watch us, they feel they have learned more than in any shiur or workshop. I recently got the best response in the world. A couple who was married a year ago committed to keeping taharas ha’mishpacha and this was because the wife watched our children and was amazed by them. She told me that their commitment is definitely because of our children, children who are raised in k’dusha and tahara.”
PRIVACY
“Privacy is a concept that I’ve forgotten. Boruch Hashem, tourists do not enter the bedroom except for a few who crossed the line. We also ask them not to enter the kitchen. The house consists of two floors. Downstairs are the shul and living room, the kitchen and the restaurant, the guest room, and a bathroom. Upstairs is where we and the children sleep. There we also have their classrooms and we put up additional tourists there too. One of the concessions we make is that if there are guests sleeping in one of the classrooms during class time, we do not wake them up even if it’s late. For the children it’s not that great because it’s important that they have a set place to learn, but we feel that they are absorbing the mitzva of hachnasas orchim and ahavas Yisroel and are even happy with guests.
“I think that the balance that we maintain is thanks to the fact that the year is divided into four seasons: the tourist season over four months, a break of two months, another peak season of four months and again a break of two months. But from our perspective, the work continues year-round, because even when it is not the official tourist season, you can still enjoy touring and plenty of tourists come throughout the year.”
TZNIUS
“Boruch Hashem, relatively speaking, people are respectful and make boundaries for themselves. On rare occasions, I have to ask a girl if it’s okay if I bring her something to cover herself with (I do this only in extreme cases). Yesterday, a tourist came in wearing a loose close-necked T-shirt and a pair of ballooned harem pants, and she apologized profusely for not being modest! I felt bad about how my sensitivities had become dulled because I had thought she was super-modest!”
SAME OLD SAME OLD
“How does a shlucha become a kitchen manager with limited food products to work with? I don’t have much to say about that. I think the secret lies in creativity and the ability to improvise (two traits that I’ve always had in abundance, boruch Hashem).
“Over here, I’ve learned to accept the idea of eating the same food and the same menu, something which, beforehand, I could not consider because I always needed variety.”
LEARNING ON THE JOB
“This shlichus has helped me develop my management abilities. Over here, you need to take charge of quite a number of areas at the same time and I have no one to depend on or rely on. Shlichus also caused me to personally experience how Hashem is running the show and our plans are a joke.”
SUGGESTIONS TO
FELLOW SHLUCHOS
“First, you have to learn to look at things in perspective, and to see how the Rebbe is in charge. Our wishes will not always come to fruition and we need to remember and repeat, ‘This is the Rebbe’s ratzon!’
“Second, to know how to smile, to laugh reality in the face and to accept things as they are and to daven a lot; a t’filla that comes from the depths of one’s heart with personal words and while engaged in action.
“Third, to remember that another person’s gashmius is my ruchnius and to rejoice in this!
“And deep inside, to know that there are no efforts that are wasted; on the other hand, to diminish one’s pride and increase one’s humility and not to wait for feedback.
“Fourth, true, according to Chassidus, that which is hard for me is where my avoda lies, but at the same time, the Rebbe asks that the shluchim be in a place where they can see and find the good that they get by being in their place of shlichus. It is not enough to think ‘good, I’m doing a mitzva, I am doing the Rebbe’s ratzon,’ while feeling how hard it is and what one is giving up. Rather, a shlucha needs to strengthen herself by the things she gets from her shlichus and to rejoice and be grateful for them.
“Finally, whoever plans on going on shlichus needs to, first and foremost, make spiritual preparations of absolute bittul to the Rebbe MH”M. It is vital that there be the awareness that shlichus is about giving, because that’s what it’s all about!”
I WAS BORN TO SHLICHUS
“The parsha of shlichus, Chayei Sarah, was the week I was born. It tells at great length about Eliezer’s efforts on Avrohom’s behalf. In 5752, the Rebbe taught us how to behave on shlichus based on this account. On the one hand, a shliach is a person with his own ideas; on the other hand, and this is unique to shlichus, he is subservient to the one who sent him and needs to obey in every respect.
“How do we know what is expected of us? What are our guidelines? We need to learn! A shlucha must devote time to learning.”
SRI LANKA IS READY
FOR MOSHIACH!
“In conversations that occur during Shabbos meals or any time, we bring up the topic of Geula and preparing to welcome Moshiach.
“On holidays that are not Yom Tov, like Chanuka, Purim, Chol HaMoed Pesach, we go to the coastal towns (where the surfers are) and reach out. People are happy to see the Chabad house coming to them with doughnuts, delete minim, a Megilla, matzos, etc. They really appreciate it.
“At the Chabad house too, there are those who very much appreciate what we do and thank us from the bottom of their hearts for being here for them. We tell them that the one to thank is the Rebbe who gives us the ko’ach and it all comes from him. The fact that there is a Chabad house here that saves them is thanks to him. If they insist, we tell them that to thank us they can put money in the pushka and take part in our work or to add something in their commitment to Torah and mitzvos. We try to give a Moshiach card to whoever comes here.
“We thank Mendi and Talia Crombie who are constantly fundraising which is an essential part of any shlichus because ‘a shliach marches on his wallet.’”
MY MIRACLES
“You are definitely not looking for this type of miracle … but for me, these were real miracles. I experienced a miracle when, last Pesach, two bachurim came, M Hillel and B Nachshon, who helped up prepare and run a seder for 120 people. And a wonderful girl named Talia Chana Gantz was here for all of last Tishrei and our hosting of fifty people at the holiday meals. In both cases, they were the ones who contacted us and came as volunteers, paying for their tickets and devoting themselves to the Rebbe’s shlichus. For me, they were like angels who landed from heaven. I thank the Rebbe for sending them.”
SOUL SERVICE PROVIDERS
“I’m sorry but I have no stories of special neshamos. The visitors who stop by are here for a few hours to a few days so we do not develop long-term relationships with them. We plant seeds and hardly ever see fruits. The person who was here the longest, for a few weeks, was an eccentric who stayed in his room most of the time and then suddenly disappeared.
“The encounters outside of the normal group conversations are generally not too positive. We had a situation in which a young man whose brain was scrambled by drugs was here for a while until we escorted him back home to Eretz Yisroel.
“In another situation, there was a couple who spent their honeymoon on the nearby Maldive Islands and the woman drowned. My husband had to take care of her tahara and get involved with all the family and bureaucratic issues of transferring the body.
I HAVE A HOME
IN SRI LANKA!
“A girl who was with us for Purim last year recently got in touch with me. She said that since she visited us, she continued touring in the Far East and three months ago she returned home. She wanted to send us a package. She said that out of all her experiences in her nearly yearlong trip, the Chabad house in Sri Lanka was most special to her.
“My memories of her are of her landing in Sri Lanka as a single girl, coming to the Chabad house with mixed feelings of confusion and excitement. I remember that I shot her talking on video and she said how proud she was to come here, to know she has a home (in a country which is not a safe haven for a single girl in the middle of the night); a Chabad house that would welcome her with a place to sleep instead of lying down on the floor of the airport like a dog while waiting for daybreak. She works as a pastry cook so while she stayed here, she made hamantashen with the children, an experience they all enjoyed. She connected with my girls and me as though she had found new friends for life.”
THE MASK WAS REMOVED
“One night, a monk in an orange robe came to the Chabad house. He was a fifty year old Jew who had lived in a monastery over a period of thirteen years and decided to drop the disguise and go home. After three days, he asked for different clothing. He sat and learned here for a month and committed to Chabad practices.”
SHLICHUS EVERYWHERE!
“My message to readers is: with all the difficulties, as long as we are in galus, at least be on shlichus. It does not mean you need to fly far away; the point is to live a life of giving. When you are involved with other people’s needs, with what he is lacking, with what will make him happy, with what will draw him close, you forget what you are lacking personally (because you can only think about one thing at a time!). The moment I am involved with another person’s tzaros, I forget my personal problems. And it’s not that afterward I am reminded, because after doing a mitzva and helping someone else, Hashem helps us! It’s a fact and I recommend that you try it.
“The Rebbe says (Hisvaaduyos 5748, vol. 2, p. 1255): The Alter Rebbe said to someone who complained that he lacked this and that, all that is what you need; the time has come to think about what you are needed for!
“And what is he needed for? To be involved in spreading Judaism!”
CREATE YOUR OWN GEULA
“A Jew is part of G-d and his power of thought is extremely powerful! When you lie down to sleep, after saying HaMapil, review (in your mind) a short positive message (without using the word ‘no’). For example, ‘I am successfully teaching … in a Chassidishe manner.’ Or someone in the stage of shidduchim should think, ‘I am ready for marriage!’ Make it specific and think it when you wake up and at every opportunity, the more the better. It is a good use of your power of imagination and you should think of an appropriate image to go along with the thought. It can be very helpful. The Rebbe says that a good thought creates a good reality; and the opposite is true too. I invite everyone to try it. Be a partner in Hashem’s creation by creating reality!
“With Hashem’s help, we will all merit to create a reality of Geula. Let us visualize a large Alef which is the G-dly light that penetrates the galus and illuminates every corner and every aspect of our lives. Geula! And mainly, let us be involved in actually doing this, instilling Elokus in all areas of life and in our portion of the world and bring the Geula.
“Yechi Adoneinu Moreinu V’Rabbeinu, Melech HaMoshiach L’olam Va’ed!”
Contact information: vertman@chabadsrilanka.com
TWO BRISSIN
We say “the Rebbe does not remain in debt.” I got to experience this and it was a delight.
Mili went on to relate:
I gave birth to a son after four daughters a year and a half ago. When we discovered I was carrying a boy, we were very excited and planned on sharing the occasion with family and friends, especially my father-in-law (a”h) who was over 90.
We put a lot of money into this but in the end, Hashem showed us who was running the show. My son was born on Sukkos and the bris was on Simchas Torah. I cannot describe to you how lonely I was at that bris.
I grew up in an irreligious home, in a home that still has a hard time with every addition to our family (out of love and concern, of course). It was important to us that the bris take place near our parents so they could walk. Our friends are not from the area so they did not come. My husband’s family did not come because we asked them not to drive (and older people cannot sleep and be guests by other people).
We ended up staying in an apartment with wonderful people we did not know. Picture it, after the flight, the expense and the effort, I was all alone.
The shul. Simchas Torah. The commotion and joy of the hakafos. The baby cried and I cried along with him for hours, alone! Without family and friends, after all our preparations.
Boruch Hashem, we had another son a year and two months later. With a lot of apprehension, we decided I would give birth in Sri Lanka. Boruch Hashem, my births are easy but this was a Geula-birth! We tend to bless people with a quick and speedy recovery. Well, I gave birth at 11:00 pm and the next morning I wanted to leave the hospital and go home. Immediately, and with no sign that I had given birth a few hours before. Is there a greater Geula than that? (Yes, in the Beis HaMikdash).
That was one gift.
Now there was the bris to think about. With who? How?
Something happened that never happened before! The Rebbe sent us two families of shluchim from India: the Rivkin family who are shluchim in Bangalore and the Gromach family who are shluchim in Hampi. They came to Sri Lanka in order to renew their visas. They came right after I gave birth and remained for two weeks. They made a camp for the children (for me that was the best gift I could have gotten) and of course, this was all planned and arranged in heaven.
I threw myself into the Rebbe’s hands. I devoted myself to the shlichus and did not leave. As for the bris, I could not have dreamed of a more joyous event.
First of all, they made sure I would be treated like a guest. They put together the entire meal including arranging a chair for the sandak, dressing the children (even the newborn) and photographed us all and sang niggunim with all their heart.
And there was a minyan!
The bris was like a wedding. Before the bris was done, they even sang the Dalet Bavos. At the end of the meal, before the bentching, they went around the room for each person to offer their brachos (like you do at a sheva brachos when the cup of wine is passed from person to person) and each one movingly blessed the baby and us. I thank them and the Rebbe for not remaining in debt …”